just give me the most random paragraph that you can possibly think up?

NetherCraft 0

just write complete randomness. not just random words but just like a short story with just a huge list of random bull $h1t. just completely random plz.

21 Answers

  • I was walking to my car when I noticed my pants were on fire. I turned to my friend and said, “I think were going to need an oven and fast.”

    He grabbed me with his soggy fingers and said.. “Snap out of it, Man.”

    Then he proceeded to chant and walk in circles around me.

    I looked down, My pants were still on fire, but by this time it had spread to my Uterus and three other ligaments. I was getting pretty agitated that no one seemed to care about my third degree burns, or my soon imminent death, but I went along with his plan still hoping he’d manage to save me through his voo-doo witchcraft.

    After I came out of my trance from the fire I noticed that I was now in the kitchen of my grandma’s house baking a cake..

    I Screamed “WHAT THE F***?”

    My Grandma ran in and slapped the s*** outta me for cursing.

    Then she proceeded to say, “I swear if you talk like that 5 more times, I’ll beat the living s*** outta you.”

    I was quite confused as to what was going on and what I did to deserve this true life mad lib. I just stood there in silence with a look of uttermost confusion.. and I starred at the women who had once been a kind sweet old lady, who wouldn’t even kill a baby piglet, now turned into this vicious beast of a monster with veins protruding from her neck like a porcupines quills on a midsummer day.

    She gasped, and then with the blink of an eye turned back into the sweet old lady I had once known.

    “Would you like some cookies, dear?”

    “Ummm Yes, grandma.”

    As she went to retrieve the cookies, I was planning my escape.. Looking around pondering what unimaginable thing would happen next if I stayed. As my grandma neared the corner with her plate of cookies, I ran to the door as fast as my burning legs would take me.

    As I made my silent escape I heard grandma yell, “You forgot your cookies dear”

    Little did she know I didn’t give a s* about those cookies. As I ran I thought about my previous life and how this whole day had been more interesting than my Whole entire life on earth had.. I began to ponder if this was karma kicking my a for just sitting on the laptop all day typing short stories for little to no pay. When I decided to stop and catch my breath, I wiped the sweat from my face and looked up to see what else this new world had to offer.

    Far off in the distance I could see a huge building, maybe a hotel or some sort of jail. I wasn’t too sure.. but I marked that location off my list, the last thing I needed was to go to a jail and get killed by a bunch of mobsters.. I mean Hell my pants were already on Fire.

    I decided to turn to my left and see what my next choice would be.

    There were flying cantaloupes, rainbows and songs of happiness near by, I mean I was a little frightened by the flying fruit but I’ll take this any day over Prison inmates.

    I skipped closer and closer to the festivities and when I arrived I seen all my friends I had went to high school with there were holding hands and singing Kumbayah around the camp ice.. Yes It was a giant block of ice situated on three wood logs.. I felt much more comforted here than I did at my grandmas. I took a deep breath of relief and I thought Maybe, this day is getting better. I joined hands and with Germany and Tokyo and began to sing with everyone else, but as soon as I Belched out my voice changed to an annoying high pitched squeal.. Similar to ringing in your ears.

    Everyone turned toward me and gave me the death stare and I knew I had screwed up once again, they all walked in slow motion towards me saying the same familiar chant I had heard earlier, before anyone could reach me I awoke in a frantic sweaty rush in my bed.. My legs were no longer on fire and I felt slightly normal again. I noticed that my mom, a preacher, and several other family members were standing around me sobbing and chanting.. I said. “What’s going on?” They informed me that I had been possessed by a spirit named Robert that liked to make people crazy by making there dreams seem similar to real life, only completely insane. They told me that I had been very lucky to be through such a traumatic experience and live to tell about it, without needing to be put in a psych ward. I turned to the preacher and said.

    “I think were gonna need an oven and fast.”

    That’s when they knew I was a goner.

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  • The only thing that would make me laugh so hard for you guys should make it a lot of people are just as much as I have a great way of the day before I get a follow back on my way home and sleep all night to the only one that is the only one that has a great day to day before I get to use it for a few weeks of a sudden it was the best of the year of high quality of life and the other hand is a good time with the only thing that I can see it as an excuse for the next few weeks of a sudden it was the best of the best way of life

  • I was walking and I slipped on White-Out. Then, I spit out sunglasses while swallowing a theme park in Orlando. I then went on to drive 5 hours to Halloween Horror Nights just to buy a Jello Shot. The Dollar Store sells things for a dollar but it ends up being a $1.06 in Florida at least. I’m listening to Down right now but I like Lil Wayne’s part the best even though I don’t like Lil Wayne. I wonder who invented post-its.

  • Once Jerry and 16 midgets set off on a journey. They were looking for the great treasure of Ecrapolis. On their way they got lost and camped inside a giant elephant. they awoke the next morning to find that the elephant had walked them to Los Angeles. Being from an underground secret city, Jerry and the midgets had no idea what to think of this. They all went out exploring the city, and got into all sorts of crazy-asss trouble. Jerry tried surfing and was thrown off his board into the sand, mouth-first. He proceeded to munch the sand down, saying it as the best food he’d had in ages. suddenly he whhile digging through this delectable muck, he hit something hard. IT WAS A TREASURE CHEST! He oƿє-ṅєd it slowly as the 16 midgets crowded around him. Unable to fathom what was inside he tore it open. Inside was a note, “Ha Ha! There’s no real treasure You retarded egg goblin!!” With that note, Jerry and the midgets turned purple and floated into outer space, doomed to wander the universe.

  • Hi. What is this doing in R&P anyways? I don’t know. You don’t know. Nobody knows. Maybe the dude next to me knows. But you don’t know the dude next to me. how do you know there’s a dude next to me? maybe there’s a woman. Maybe there’s an alien. Or a muffin. Wait. Do you like muffins? Have you ever felt the need and sudden urge out of nowhere to run from your house to Dunkin Donuts, on a trycicle, to get a donut? Wait. But that made no sense. What’s wrong with my sentence? You tell me.

    Fine. I’ll tell you.

    The problem is that you can’t simply RUN on a trycicle, that you must BIKE on a tricycle. Besides, what happened to your mission, fool? You were going to get muffins, and returned with a bag of donuts. You fail. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why? Just, why, why, why, would you ever go for muffins and come back with donuts? It’s because you wanted to clog your arteries, right? It’s so you could go eat KFC and Mc Donalds and donuts and become fat and then troll on Y!A being forren person #123456789345678 or yet another metal kween milly syrup. That’s why. So you know what? Go run a mile. Eat some fruit. Get me a muffin. not a donut.

    I rest my case. Have a nice day.

    But no, I cannot simply rest my case. Not without questioning yet another question. Why are you here? What, out of all insanity, had brought you to ask a question so random as typing up a random paragraph entirely unrelated to rock or pop, in the rock and pop section. Oh, I understand it now. I finally see everything. An evil alien swarmed your household and manipulated your brain. And made you want a muffin. So you frantically biked, hypnotized, on your trycicle. However there was a thought proccess of 120 steps, which I just can’t break down at the moment, which brought your alien-manipulated mind to switch from thinking about yahoo answers, to muffins, to trycicles, to donuts. However, let me begin by saying, it’s because of thought proccess #36.25: the invisible brainwaves sent from your pet goldfish. That’s right. I said it. Your goldfish did it. He’s much stronger than you had presumed him to be. He’s clever, and has the wits to dominate your house. In fact, he plotted the entire alien attack on your house. What should you do now? Well, you’re sitting there, eating your donut on a trycicle, staring at your goldfish, eh? Go, throw it out. Now. Let it dominate the sewers instead. The tank is not fit for such an evil plotting goldfish. It has to dissapear.

    I hope things make better sense to you now.

    Source(s): I’m bored, in case you couldn’t tell 🙂
  • Okay.

    As my friend Mr. Zoyonce promiscuously said to Dr. Fardep, “Every odorous nostril, to coin a term, cuts its presence, but it is the blue snail of the antisocial psychiatrist that is truly important. They say it’s easy to be cowardly, to be received, but I know better. I know about the banal knife’s kind king. Oh, yes, I know all about the joyful nauseating swan for centuries! I know about his principles and his domains. Out of his wrongs has been born the scene. I exemplify an ownership for him. I call it “Baynocl”. I confessed up the riot when I was the besotted old woman. Still, he is a nausea needing peculiar causality to be loved. He is something flows need from blessed cents. Only quite cannibalistic people of the bath know how to prevail the enigma. They make glowing geniuses of facade, oath, or parenthoods, but their sinful maze is lively, a simple calm to the bibliophile, and an obnoxious nonconformist or passive evening which far surpasses fathers of omniscient boxes, exceptional exceptions and blisses, genetic fluffs, or moldy perfectibilities, ideas, and candlelights, or even orthodox immoral hills. No one is prettier than the barber of ocean, for he is a very lacy soldier. God changes his appearance every second. Happy is the traveling salesman who can recognise all his disguises. At one moment God can be a dangerous breakout, the next a cruel queen vitalizing on their patience, or a talented publicist, or perhaps merely a fiery bloodshed. The nonconformist stranger is bound to be calmed by a bitter entity, since he has edited to avoid persecuting in geniuses and feelings of the inspiring injustices that has been developed. He parodies enraging to regard them as something purified, and to use an analogy transformed from a symphony, he represses the name. I trot out all the drums that the expression dissolving aggression, a morning bathhouse etc., finds damned, the very drums that the government purifies without solving. I arouse ritually to those reconnoitered drums: you are quite correct, panic or demand a personality!”

  • Could you hand me that ashtray? Right there. Now, what it is, I know you’ve heard the word a thousand times, it’s a rat race. I’ve been through the contortions of hell, I’ve had alcoholic seizures and everything else. Now I’m sick, and shaking, like a leaf. It was like silly putty and they threw him the car and the paddywagon and beat him to death. I knocked the front wheel off into outer space and I kinda got angry myself. I have a lot of guns. I like salad. I just ate a nice salad. Baked potato. Cream cheese. And chives. Now, I like to eat a nice salad it might give you something in mind.

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    just give me the most random paragraph that you can possibly think up?

    just write complete randomness. not just random words but just like a short story with just a huge list of random bull $h1t. just completely random plz.

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