My son is 8 years old, and likes, well, pretty much nothing boyish. I’ve tried and tried to push football and baseball and trucks and GI Joe etc on him, but nothing has stuck. He likes watching Hannah Montana, coming with me or his cousin to the mall, and his favorite color is powder blue!
All the friends he has at school are girls, because boys “aren’t nice” to him.
I don’t want to sound like a homophobe or anything, but I don’t want my son to grow up to be a sissy. I know he’ll be picked on when he gets older. He’s a little short and skinny for his age as it is, and acting like this, well, I remember the boys who got picked on when I was in school.
So I need advice to toughen him up… what should I do? Should I make him act like a girl so much that he hates it and rebels into being manly? Should I keep pushing boyish things on him?
I’ll love him no matter what, gay or not, of course. But is it wrong to want him to be normal?
At 8 years old he pretty much knows what it is that he likes and dislikes. And if you try to push upon him things that he doesn’t like doing, then you run the risk of alienating him.
I recommend that you try spending a lot more time with him and let him know that what ever he does is ok with you and that you will love him no matter what.
He does not need to toughen up, but I would suggest that he could be introduced to martial arts. Here the focus is as much on the mind as it is on the body. Males and Females both learn and practice the martial arts, such as karate. Learning this, can help develop his body and his mind so that he will have discipline and focus, and as a bonus, he will be able to defend himself against the people that you fear will pick on him.
He is 8 and he will grow out of it. When we were young my brother was the same way. I always had a playmate because he would spend hours with me playing house or whatever and my dad always had a fit when he would see him playing dolls with me. He was also small for his age and a little geeky but as he got older he realized fishing was fun and loved wresteling. he is now 39 and a very loving and caring father that knows how to help his wife around the house and can cook better than most women I know. My son is also 8 and although he does have boys he plays with and finally decided to play baseball this year he is usually playing house or some other thing with his sister and her friends, and his favorite color is purple this week I just laugh it off and go on because I know he will come out of it when he is ready.
I don’t think you can toughen him up. He is who he is. There is nothing that will change it. I will say that I have heard this situation from other parents in my daughter’s karate class. That is why they put them in it. It is a good activity. It doesn’t promote violence or toughness, but gets them more active. It also goes at their own pace and there is a mixture of boys and girls in the class. We take one at the y with a wonderful instructor that is great for their self esteem and coordination. You might consider it. I wouldn’t say it will toughen him up, but it might make you feel better and gets him into an activity. It may not be manly, but everyone will be impressed that he is taking it since many want to take it, but don’t.
Yes YOU do need help. Whether you WANT to sound homophobic or not you do, it is so obvious. It’s not your son who has the problem, it is you. You obviously are so concerned with your son being “manly”…he’s an 8 year old child. You say you “know” he will be picked on later in life…yeah by “men” like you who are actually bigger sissies than your son could ever imagine being. My advice is to leave him alone, he will grow up to be much more of a man than his father.
there is nothing you can do. You just have to be there for him when he has problems. All kids get bullied at some point for different things, you need to be there to talk to when he comes home same as the parents of “non sissies”. Your son is who he is, why change him, do you not like your child now. If he was to change he would no longer be the boy you know and love
What is normal behavior? An overbearing mother who is unwilling to accept her son for who he is? Your son behaves in the fashion in which he is comfortable and no matter what you do you can not and should not change who he is. Just because he prefers to watch Hanna Montana, powder blue and associating with girls does not guarentee he will be a “sissy”. My second youngest son, when he was younger, loved to play with dolls,taking care of them as if they were his children. He now has plenty of friends that are boys as well as girls and is pretty well rounded. One of the things he looks forward to most about growing up is being a father so I am quite happy I did not discourage his behavior like his father would have prefered me to do earlier. The same could be said of your son, when he grows up he may be a very sensitive man that women will flock to because of his gentle, understanding, sweet nature. Of course, if you insist on forcing him to act in ways that do not suit him you may very well destroy him and any prospects of him having a fulfilling relationship, be it with a guy or girl.
obviously lets be real, there is a problem here. It’s not that he likes hanna montana, im a grown woman and find myself watching thats so raven sometimes, but the problem is that your son seems to avoid the same sex, bc they are mean to him. There are gays out there that are VERY manly, so dont assume that he’s turning that point. Your son is leaning towards girly things bc he’s hanging out with girls. Children at that age associate with what they are familiar with. Not to toughen him up, but open him up to more guy friends, take him to areas where he can be himself with boys. Is he shy around boys bc of his past experiences with the mean boys. Open him up to different types of people and personalities. Not a sissy problem, just a bully problem maybe.
just let him be who he wants to.
he’s only 8, could just be a phase.
does he have a ‘fatherfigure’ around, or is he surroundd by a lot of women
also, if you force boyish things on him or tell him its not right boys to like shopping and hannah montana then he may grow up and resent you for it
i know you have his best interests in mind, and you don’t want him to be picked on .. i don’t see that as homophobic…
but if i were you i would let him just act how he wants, it makes him happy .. in my opinion nature is stronger than nurture in most cases.
thats just what i think, you know your son, i don’t.
so do what you feel most comfortable with.
You can’t change who he is going to be. If this is what he likes, wonderful!! He hangs with only girls and things escalate, he may want to even dress like them. If he makes that request, let him. He will eventually decide who he is and who he wants to be for the rest of his life, all you can do is advise him of the pluses and/or minus’s of those decisions.
I’d say introducing more boyish things in his life isn’t wrong. Forcing them is. Just let him be who he is. If he gets to a stage where he is picked on, help him through it! But, I’m not a big HM fan. She’s a terrible role model. That’s your problem right there. I’d get rid of Disney Channel. All my younger friends watched Disney Channel when they were kids…..yikes. Talk about immature!